Spoilers:   None really. Buffy being in college and Riley are mentioned, but I can’t see that it spoils anything for me to tell you that. I reference some of season three, but it’s pretty disconnected and I don’t think knowing about it gives anything away.

Disclaimer: This is where I put the statement saying that I do not own Buffy, Giles (Heh! I wish!), Sunnydale, or anything relating to the show. No one is paying me to do this and if you feel the sudden urge to send me gifts, you might want to talk to someone about that. Joss Whedon owns all things Buffy and has not given me permission to use these characters as I have so if you have problems with the story, please send the pretzel bombs to me, not him.
 
Author's Notes:  The song in this story is, “Stupid Thing” by Nickel. It was played in Buffy, season two, Episode 3, School Hard. It was playing in the background when Spike first saw Buffy. I really liked the song and it’s been running around my head ever since. Odd thing is that three months later, I was singing it and it struck me what a perfect song this was for Buffy/Giles. I could just picture Giles hiding his feelings for her and trying never to go, “crashing to my knees. One step away from spilling my guts to you.” I liked the image and so, here is the result. Hope you like it. The full lyrics to the song are at the end. Thanks need to be given, and here is where they go. Thanks to Joss for creating characters so fun to watch and to borrow for a bit. Thanks to Tony Head for making Giles so amazing. I tried to fight it, but he was just too remarkable not to fall for. (He also gets credit for the little, “Giles” things like Giles being an archaeologist. I read that he’d added that to the character on the show. I think it’s those little touches that he added that made Giles the librarian we all love. Thanks so much, Tony!) Big thank yous to my sister, Kristen the Beta Goddess. She takes my ramblings and puts them in some readable order. I could never write without her help and I would never want to try. Love ya! To Janet, who helped with the details, to Sweetdoggie, who called me on my mistakes, and to Hobgoblinn, who made me stay true to Rupert while setting the bar so high, thank you, thank you, and…oh yeah, THANK YOU! Thanks to my amazing husband who not only doesn’t get upset when my writing takes over, but who doesn’t freak about the men who live in my head. I love him so.

 

One Step Away

“I did a stupid thing last night;
I called you. A moment of weakness.”
                                                                                                      

A persistent ringing drew Buffy Summers’ attention away from the textbook that she was reading. She took in a breath and put the book down, reaching for the phone. To be honest, she was grateful for the distraction. World History had never been her thing and forcing herself to read the boring book made her head hurt. She leaned forward on her bed to better reach the phone.

“Hello?” Buffy answered.

“Buffy?” The voice with the distinctive British accent belonged to her Watcher, Rupert Giles. Ex-Watcher, she reminded herself. She was still a little miffed at the Watcher’s Council for that one.

“Hey Giles. What can I do for you? Don’t tell me. Something big, bad, and scaly?”

“Hmmm? Oh, no, nothing like that.”

“Some Chinese ritual I need to perform?”

“No.”

“Do you need me to open the peanut butter for you?”

“What?” There was a pause as her comment sank in, followed by a slight chuckle from Giles. “No, Buffy. I don’t need anything from you. I just called to…talk.”

If the lack of subject matter hadn’t caught her attention, the slight pause would have. Giles wasn’t the type to call up just to chat. Especially not with Buffy or her friends, who were so many years his junior and had a talent for getting on his nerves.

“Spill it Giles. What’s up?”

“I assure you, Buffy,” he said, his tone mild. “There is nothing wrong. I hadn’t heard from you in almost a week and I was simply calling to see how you are.”

Buffy felt a small twinge of guilt at his words. Had it really been a week? She’d been so wrapped up in her studies and Riley that the time just seemed to fly by these days. She really hadn’t even had much time to spend with Xander and Willow this last week. Although, she reminded herself, she did find *some* time for them. Giles on the other hand, well, she’d somehow forgotten about him.

“I’m sorry, Giles,” she said, trying not to sound as guilty as she felt. “It’s been a crazy week. I’ve had huge loads of homework in all my classes and…”

“Buffy,” Giles cut across her apology. “I wasn’t calling to berate you.”

“Is that a good thing?”

Giles chucked again.

“Would scold be a better word?”

“Oh, yeah. Right.”

“As I was saying,” he continued. “The purpose of my call was not to demand an accounting of your time. I just wanted to know how you are.”

“I’m good. Busy, but good.”

“Is there anything I can do to make you less busy? Take one of your patrols?”

“Oh…right. Patrols. Well, you see…”

“No patrolling?”

“No patrolling. But I promise I’ll make up for that this weekend.”

“Buffy,” Giles said gently. “I told you I wasn’t calling to scold you. I’m not your father. I’m not even your Watcher anymore. I’m just a friend who was worried about you. While you really should be out patrolling, you don’t need to justify your time to me. As you are busy this week, Xander and I can make the rounds.”

His words made sense, and he spoke them in a kind tone, but they still managed to make Buffy feel even more guilty.

“I know you’re not my father, Giles,” she replied seriously. “You will always be my Watcher, but that’s not really the point. And you are more than a friend. You are very special to me. I’m sorry I dropped out of sight on you. I’ll try not to do it again. And thanks for the help with patrols.”

She heard Giles take a deep breath on the other end of the phone and wondered what his reaction was. He was so hard to read sometimes. When he spoke again, his tone was neutral, giving nothing away.

“Thank you, Buffy. You are very special to me as well. So, how are your classes going?”

For the next little while, they discussed her classes, her teachers, her homework. Giles was sympathetic to her homework overload, offering to help her study if she needed it. They joked about overbearing professors and annoying students. Buffy settled back on her bed, remembering why she enjoyed Giles’s company. Everything was relaxed and fun and then the conversation topic shifted.

“And how is your social life faring?” Giles asked. She could hear him making tea in the background and suddenly she could clearly picture him, standing in his kitchen, his new portable phone balanced on his shoulder, pouring steaming water into a mug.

“It’s…well, you know how college is,” Buffy replied, closing her eyes and smiling to herself at the image she had of him in her head. She could see him gently sip from the mug, his face wreathed in the steam from the cup. “I live with Willow, so I see her every day. I squeeze a couple of lunches a week in with Xander. It’s not a lot, but I am glad to see him. And the rest of my time is taken up with Riley.”

There was a definite pause on the other end of the line, dispelling the tea-sipping image from her head. When Giles spoke, his voice seemed to have taken on a slight chill.

“Riley. Yes. Well. And how is…Riley?”

Was it her imagination or did his voice catch when he said Riley’s name?

“He’s good. We are supposed to go out to the movies this weekend, barring war or apocalypse. You know, a nice normal date.”

“Yes,” Giles replied, his voice sounding distant. “Normal. Normal is good. You deserve something normal in your life. Something nice.”

“Giles?” Buffy asked quietly, wondering what was with the Rambling Watcher routine. “Everything good?”

“Hmmm? Oh, yes. Good,” He sounded distracted and very un-Giles like. “Well, good to know you are doing well. I’ll talk to you later.”

He seemed to be in a sudden hurry to hang up now.

“Giles?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for calling. It was nice to talk to you. Made me realize that I miss you.”

“You…what?” Now he seemed confused.

“I miss you, Watcher mine. We need to set aside some time together.”

“Yes, I’m sure Riley would love that.”

“Riley? Giles what are you…”

“Nothing, Buffy,” his reply was abrupt. “I need to go now.”

“Okay. Sleep well, Giles.”

There was a marked pause and when he spoke again, his voice was completely different. It was softer, gentler, yet somehow strained.

“You too, Buffy. Pleasant dreams.”

Buffy hung up the phone and sat staring at it for a few minutes. Now what was that all about?

******************************************************

Giles threw himself down on his couch, a hand coming up to rub at his forehead.

What had he done? Well, there was the obvious. Embarrassed himself, made a fool of himself, frightened Buffy. The list went on. His better angels had warned him that calling her was a mistake bordering on disaster, but his inner demons had goaded him into finally calling.

What harm should there have been in a phone call? He hadn’t seen her for a while and he’d missed her. Where was the bad in that? His lips tugged into a reluctant smile as he realized that he used one of her phrases. God, she’d invaded every part of his life and Lord help him, he loved it. He ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath.

Where was the bad in that? His mind pulled him back on track, trying to understand how things had gone so far off the plan. The bad was that in the end he’d come off sounding like a needy, pathetic prat. He’d sworn to himself that he’d just talk to her for a minute, just to hear her voice. But she’d seemed so happy to hear from him that he’d given in and talked for a while, drinking in every word, picturing the expressions that lit up her beautiful face.

Oh, but he’d set new records in his pathetic category. His heart had beat faster every time she’d laughed and he’d found himself going out of his way to make her laugh again. She’d told him that she might actually take him up on his offer to study with her and he hadn’t been able get the smile off his face for five minutes. She had shared her life with him for a few short minutes and he’d hung on every word, needing to be a part of her world, even if it was from the sidelines.

And then she’d mentioned Riley. It had felt like a slap to the face, although he’d known she meant nothing by it. He couldn’t have been stupid enough to think that a conversation about her life wouldn’t have included her boyfriend. No, he wasn’t that naïve. Yet somehow, he’d hoped; hoped that the Teutonic boy toy wouldn’t have been on her mind while she talked to him. Hoped that he’d have her full attention, that somehow, she’d think only of him.

And there was the crux of his problem. While these days he could think of nothing but her, he wasn’t even a factor in her life. He was old. He was ‘gross.’ He was a retired librarian, a former teacher, an ex-Watcher. He didn’t even rate father figure in her head. She’d made that perfectly clear to him tonight. He was a friend. Worse, he was an obligation friend. She kept him in her life because she felt guilty about stealing his own. And he was willing to take that if it was all he could get.

Giles closed his eyes and sighed deeply. How did he get here? How did he go from super librarian guy, the all-knowing Watcher, to a pathetic has-been who was sitting on his couch in the dark, having inappropriate thoughts about a college student he could never have?

He drew in another deep sigh, willing his body to relax. When? That answer was easy. It was when he’d let himself fall in love with his Slayer.

*****************************************************************

“I’m one step away from crashing to my knees.
I’m one step away, from spilling my guts to you.”

 
Buffy shrugged the strap of her purse further up on her shoulder, trying not to drop the bag and drink carrier that she was holding. It was almost eight o’clock in the morning and she was nearly at Giles’s place. When she’d gotten up this morning, she’d found a note from Willow telling her that she was going to have to miss breakfast for a meeting with a teacher. Then Buffy had checked her e-mail to find that her first class of the day had been canceled, freeing up her whole morning. Taking it as a sign, she’d gotten dressed, picked up donuts and coffee, and headed off for Giles’s apartment.

Something about the way he’d been acting last night bothered her. And she hadn’t lied to him; she really had realized that she missed him. What better way to remedy that than breakfast with her Watcher?

She got to his place and opened the door, not even thinking about knocking; she never did anymore. After a moment, her eyes adjusted to the dimness of the living room and she looked around. Her eyes widened in surprise as she saw that Giles was asleep on his couch. He was fully dressed and she guessed that he’d fallen asleep there last night.

She put the food down on his desk and dropped her bag onto the floor, then quietly crossed the room to bend over him and touch his shoulder.

“Giles?” Her voice was gentle, not wishing to startle him. “Giles?”

He murmured softly in his sleep, moving his head and scrunching up his face, seeming not to want to wake up. Buffy leaned in closer to him, her lips near his ear.

“Wake up, sleepy head,” she said quietly.

His eyes fluttered open, focusing on her face. He smiled sleepily; his hand came up and lightly touched her face. Buffy smiled down at him. He looked very cute all mussed and sleepy. Still not saying anything, his gaze staring intently into her eyes, he trailed his fingers down her cheek to her lips. After a heartbeat’s hesitation, he ran his index finger along her lips, slowly, gently. Buffy blinked, not knowing what to make of this, her eyebrows arching in surprise.

“Giles?” It was the only thing she needed to say. He knew her well enough that the rest of the question fit into that one word.

For Giles’s part, the amazing dream he’d been having was taking on the tones of a nightmare. He’d been dreaming of holding her, kissing her, caressing her. She’d been running a perfect hand along his body, smiling down at him. Then the dream had taken on some harsher tones, brighter lighting, but there she still was, touching him and smiling. It was only after he’d run his finger along her lips that he’d realized, unlike dream Buffy, this one was fully dressed. And looking at him in total confusion. That was when it had come crashing down on him that this was not dream Buffy. This really was his Slayer and she wanted to know what was going on.

He struggled to sit up, running a shaking hand through his hair, trying desperately to think of something to say that would keep her from knowing the truth.

“Buffy…” he paused, breathing deeply, trying to center his panicked mind. “I…was dreaming.”

That was pretty safe. No need to tell her the dream involved her. Naked. Screaming his name. ‘Good Lord, Man!’ he thought desperately. ‘Get a grip on yourself.’ He ran his hand through his hair again.

“How long have you been here?” Good. Make it sound like Buffy was nowhere in his thoughts. Buffy who?

Buffy gave him one fleeting look that said she had no idea what his answer had to do with the question, then shrugged the whole thing off. This was Giles after all. And he had been asleep. He most likely had no idea who it was standing over him. She smiled at him.

“I brought you breakfast.”

“Don’t you have class?”

“Canceled.”

“Willow?”

“Teacher meeting.”

“Riley?”

“Maneuvers.”

“Xander?”

“Work.”

“You?”

“Here to spend the morning with you,” she said brightly. “Starting with coffee and donuts. You game?”

“Of course I am. Let me go change into something…well something I didn’t wear yesterday and I’ll be right with you.”

“No hurry,” she laughed. “In fact if you want a quick shower, I can wait.”

“Is that a hint?”

Buffy blinked for a second, then laughed as she realized what he meant.

“No, Giles. I’m not saying you *need* a shower. Just if you want one, I understand.”

“Well, maybe a very quick one.”

Buffy waved him off and sat on his couch, turning on the television to pass the time.

***********************************************************

Giles stood in the stream of hot water, his eyes closed, silently berating himself. Good Lord. He’d touched her lips. That was bad enough, but the look on her face when he’d done it was worse. He kept seeing it run though his mind; that mix of question and worry. The worry was the worst. He never wanted her to worry and here he was causing her to worry about the sexual intent of an old man. Damn.

But, she was here. She was sitting on his couch waiting for him. Of course, she was here because there was nothing else to do. Everyone else in her life was busy and that left her with him. And we are back to the obligation thing, he thought, running a hand though his wet hair. He really should tell her she didn’t owe him anything.

But then she might go. And where would he be then? Which was worse; being pitied or being alone? Hard question, but when it involved Buffy, he’d rather be with her than not, whatever the reason.

Maybe it would just be easier if he told her how he felt. For one dizzying moment, he pictured saying the words to her; hearing his desires become solid. ‘Buffy, I love you. I love you with everything I am and I can’t live without you.’

It was powerful to think of saying those words. Then his mind took the next step, bringing him back to reality. What did he honestly expect her to say? ‘Rupert, I love you too. I always have.’  Right. She was going to panic. She would run away. After all, he was old…and gross. She’d said so. And so he pushed his feelings back down and quickly finished his shower.

Go to part 2